Scholastic Spotlight: Rebeca Trautman

Everything I Ever Wanted to Tell You
Trautman, Rebeca
Grade: 9
School: Central Cass Public School, Casselton ND Educator: Kaylie Young
AWARD: Silver Key

Father
I've wanted to tell you so many things,
the good, the bad,
but mostly I wanted to tell you my true feelings. Though I know that I won't be able to tell you, so I write my feelings here for you,
my reader to know.

You are a stranger,
I knew you so long ago,
it’s hard to remember, to know if that person I knew then is real, 
Because today you wear a mask.

I don't know how you feel about me,
I don't know how you will react if I tell, 
the way I feel.
I don't know you at all.
Your mask shows a kind face,

One that cares
But one that fakes.
One that lies,
And not small white lies,
Lies that are black and heavy,
Like your heart.

But I wear a mask as well,
one that hides these feelings,
that shows a face that says,
"I love you."
So I guess you could say we are both liars, 
born from the same tree,
Or more so you could say,
"The apple doesn’t fall far from the tree." 
Maybe that's why
you see through my mask so easily,

like you can somehow tell
 that I am wearing it.

But my mask is strong enough
so you don't know how I feel,
and how I see you.
How I see the man who said he cared,
But didn't care enough to call on my birthday. 
The one who loved,
But didn't love enough to ask, "Are you ok?" 
While there are tears in my eyes.
The one you trusted,
But didn't trust me enough to tell me,
"I'm getting remarried."
The one who was supposed to be there for me when I needed him. 
The one who was supposed to have my back.
The one who was supposed to love me.

I just wanted to say to you,
you are no longer my dad, you are a stranger. And that I wish you luck with your new family. Sincerely, your daughter.

Stepdad

You came as if you were lightning, 
you left your mark on my family 
But unlike lightning, you stayed 
instead of leaving us, in a flash 
You stayed even though
life was hard with us
that it have been without.
And you care so much,
for ones that aren't even of your blood, 
for ones who have forgotten to love,
for ones who have been tossed to the side, 
and for ones who didn't love you back.

I apologize to you, my savior,
for the pain, I have caused you,
for the ways, I looked at you,
and for the lies, I believed about you.
I wish that I knew how wonderful you were, 
before.
Before we were tossed aside,

before my heart was empty, 
before I hated you.

I don't hate you anymore,
I love you with a full heart,
I want you to stay with my family,
as long as your heart still beats.
I want you to be the one to wipe away my tears,
 you to pick me when I have fallen,
and you to be there in my times of need.

And I thank you, Mom, for falling in love again 
Falling into the arms of a wonderful man,
And I thank you Stepdad for staying with us, 
all these years.
I love you, Dad.