Scholastic Spotlight: Jordyn Blotsky

A Poem of Mental Illness

Silver Key

Author: Jordyn Blotsky

12^th Grade

Educator: Leslie Mans

Watford City

There are shadows dancing on the ceiling

Strange shapes that seem to move smoothly like water

No one else seems to notice them

Only me

Why me?

What could I have possibly done?

Have I angered some God above?

Have I had a curse placed on me?

Have I sinned in some way I’ve yet to discover?

There are shadows dancing on the ceiling.

Black and red and blue,

Tumbling around like gymnasts.

Oh, why can’t no one else see them.

Now there’s a man standing in my door

I relax

It’s only my father, right?

Wrong

This man holds a knife

I try to scream, to tell him to not hurt me

But nothing comes out of my mouth

It’s all just a dream, I tell myself

Nothing to get worked up about

If only someone else would see what I see

Maybe then I’ll be able to sleep

There are people dancing in the living room

There’s a rave going on in my bedroom

There’s loud voices

The taste of something sweet on my tongue

I turn to see if anyone else can see it

But the others watch television like nothing’s happening

The song talks about suicide

Oh, why must it talk to me?

The poem brings up death,

Oh, why must I relate?

The news talks about mental illness in the form of the latest killer

Oh, will I become that killer?

People talk about mental illness like a twisted fad,

Oh, when will they notice my pain?

Schizophrenia has taken its toll on me

I’m fighting a fight I cannot win must days.

I’m fighting for my life,

Oh, when will it be seen as brave?

When will I be able to be honest to others about it?

When will I be able to not be afraid of my mental illness?

Or upset by it?

Oh, I have a dream,

That one day I’ll be able to show to the world

Just how strong people with mental illnesses are.

Show them the strength it takes

To fight your mind everyday

To take a mental beating one day

And the next day come out strong.